Saturday, March 14, 2009

Duchy original

More shavings from the cultural Parmesan:

1. A vignette from Joseph O’Neill’s Netherland, which would appear, annoyingly enough, to be as good as everyone says it is:
Often I was joined by a very kind widow in a baseball cap who conducted an endless and apparently fruitless search and murmured to herself, for some reason, about Luxembourg.
It’s the subject of the murmuring that’s so perfectly chosen: Belgium or Cleveland would be too obvious; Mongolia or Ouagadougou too self-consciously wacky. But Luxembourg is just right.

2. In the BBC3 documentary Deborah 13: Servant of God, the eponymous pubescent creationist goes to stay with her equally devout but slightly less intense brother Matthew at university. He introduces her to the joys of clubbing, but leaves the floor when Katy Perry’s lesbian-till-graduation hit ‘I Kissed A Girl’ comes on: “I’m not going to dance to this song because I don’t agree with it,” he announces as he flounces. (Incidentally, did anybody else think Matthew was the campest fundamentalist Christian they’d ever encountered?)

As Matthew and Deborah stand outside assessing the experience, a slightly déshabillé young lady stumbles over and asks if anyone might be good enough to write on her prominently proffered ladybumps.

Matthew demurs, having previously recounted how he’d fended off the amorous attentions of a mud-spattered wench with the horrified retort, “you’re dirty!”; he's clearly a very picky young man. He then determines that she’s a fresher, and asks: “Why are you letting people write on your boobs on your first night?”

“I’m not,”
she responds, “this is, like, my third night.”

3. And following on from the earlier reminscences about Uncle Tom Dolby and all, at Rock’sBackPages, I attempt to concoct a retrospective pop genre: Postmodern Futurism.


Billy said...

I didn't realise dancing to a song meant you agreed with the sentiment of the words- I have seen people dancing to Smack My Bitch Up who didn't agree with bitches being smacked up.

Vicus Scurra said...

You should have seen Matthew get down to "There is a Green Hill".

And yes, as camp as a a marauding army of Philistines, poor chap.

Garth said...

"Does anyone want to write on my tits" you couldn't script that sort of thing :) - I presume that Deborah will be seeing visions by the time she's 18.

Tim F said...

Very good point, Billy. Should people with terminal illnesses be required to remain in their seats when 'I Will Survive' comes on? And what about instrumentals? Although I must admit, I have boycotted songs that display egregiously poor grammar.

Philistines, Vicus? I was thinking of another Biblical location entirely.

Almost certainly, PI. I'm thinking of something like The Devils (the Ken Russell film), with her running through the back lanes of Dorset, writing Biblical verses on her own bosoms.

patroclus said...

I demand a list of songs with egregiously poor grammar!

Tim F said...

I Can't Get No Satisfaction?