Monday, February 02, 2009


A couple of nights ago, I had dinner with the saintly Noel Sharkbloke at a newish restaurant that makes much of its adherence to feng shui principles. This would appear to necessitate water features, fake torches, lights so dim the waiters wouldn't be able to see you if you set off a distress flare, very low seating, slightly-too-loud sub-Cafe-del-Mar-type music and several video screens. But the food was nice, and Noel is always amusing company, on account of his being Canadian, and looking a bit like James Joyce and all that. And we weren't paying, which is even better.

At one point, I noticed that one of the screens was showing some sort of documentary about a restaurant kitchen, a jolly coincidence that I pointed out to Noel. I was also very impressed by the quality of the picture coming from the flat screen.

You can see where this is going, can't you?

When one of the cooks in the documentary handed a plate out through the screen, and I realised it was in fact a serving hatch, I wondered what dear old Baudrillard would have made of my instinctive preference for the image over the real. And I guessed that Baudrillard would probably have done what Noel did, which was to sigh gently, and suggest we order dessert.


Boz said...

Utterly fabulous! Hahaha!

"Eating out doesn't get tougher than this."

I applaud your willingness to put this on the intermawebs for us all to appreciate.

Annie said...

Was disappointed to realise he wasn't really called Noel Sharkbloke, which is an awesomely wonderful name.

Billy said...

Boz seems to be channelling the masterchef judges.

I'm disappointed Noel Sharkbloke isn't really a shark.

Oz said...

it's a pity you didn't drop a tiny morsel of bread at that exact moment. A simulcrumb if you will.

Tim F said...

Boz, my thirst for interwebular self-abasement can never be assuaged.

Actually it is his real name, Annie. But he chose Boivin as a pen name, because there's already a Noel Sharkbloke who does lesbian chicklit.

He keeps the fin tucked away, Billy, then flips it out to startle small children.

A certain lab-collie cross would have been proud of you, Oz.

Christopher said...

If Baudrillard gave his name to a dish, what would it be?

Tim F said...

Christopher: Not sure, beyond Oz's crumb of comfort, but he'd wash it down with a cup of hyperrealitea.