Sexual swearwords ( Simon Bates)

Prompted by the bootylicious Slaminsky, I have submitted Cultural Snow to a rating service, which supposedly identifies an appropriate age restriction for the site. I am reliably informed that this blog warrants a PG, thanks to "...the presence of the following words: death (5x); dick (1x)."

Which puzzles me on a number of counts. For example, does Bambi get a similar rating? Is any site that links to the redoutable Dick Headley similarly restricted? And, most significantly, the rating would appear to have disregarded entirely the verbal sewer we emptied over the ginger head of L Brent Bozell a couple of years back.

So it's tempting to dismiss the whole thing as a lame attempt to plug a dating site. (Follow the link and that's where it takes you.) Until you remember that Culture Secretary Andy Burnham thinks a real website rating system might be a jolly good idea.

Which only tempts me to suggest that Mr Burnham resembles a rancid secretion from the more intimate regions of Mr Bozell's anatomy, which would at least earn me the 18-certificate I've sought all my life.