Saturday, June 28, 2008

Thou shalt not

I'm stroking my chin in a number of directions these days. The entirely deserved rebuke I received from Talen over copyright issues has got me pondering the slapdash, will-this-do? essence of this and other blogs. And then Rob Peters argues that good, old-fashioned, diary-style blogs are falling off the radar; just as Radio 4's comedy department seems to be catching up with them.

Some backbone is needed: possibly the manifesto that should have been concocted during my first and only blogmeet. And since one of the participants at said meet has now identified my "grumpy-old-man persona", let's make that manifesto utterly joy-free and gittish. Think Dogme; think the New Puritans; hell, think the Old Puritans.

1. No pictures from outside sources. They create copyright dilemmas, and disrupt the interminable sprawl of the text.

2. No YouTube. Too easy.

3. All direct quotes should be attributed; academic footnotes in MLA style are preferred. Footnotes to footnotes are too postmodern by far.

4. No memes. Self-indulgent.

5. No nostalgic ramblings about the popular culture of one's youth, of the sort that can be mistaken for a clip from an I-Heart-the-70's show. Earnest pontification about Fassbinder movies, shorn of subtitles or any bits with Hanna Schygulla in her pants, may be tolerated.

6. The words blonk, yummers, teh, oh noes! and interwebs are proscribed.

7. Blogmeets must be held on non-licensed premises, and any subsequent incidences of inter-blogger intercoursing shall be kept secret.

Any other suggestions?

12 comments:

garfer said...

Well, that's my blog well and truly buggered. Not that it will make any difference as only a few deluded fools read it anyway.

I feel that tits and ass should be banned as those bloggers who indulge in porn musings receive far too much attention.

Gardening posts should also be banned.

Geoff said...

Blog posts should be as long, as self-indulgent and as unreadable as possible. Family issues should be explored in-depth.

Blog meets should be as large and as uncomfortable as is necessary to destroy the self-confidence of even the least shy.

Rosie said...

killjoy. i may as well give up now.

Annie said...

No memes. Self-indulgent.

Though having a blog is, er, not self-indulgent?

amyonymous said...

"No nostalgic ramblings about the popular culture of one's youth" - but that's what i enjoy reading the most!

and please spare us the MLA footnotes. i left those behind in college and good riddance i say. if i ever go academic again, i will return to them, but otherwise, to hell with MLA. (says the English teacher).

Rimshot said...

Blonk stays.

Tim Footman said...

Oh, all right then. Hanna Schygulla can come back.

dh said...

I've always aimed for total irrelevance myself. I think I'm getting there.

Billy said...

This is fantastic, just the kind of thing I've wanted to write for ages.

All you need is a "Vow of Chastity" button to put on the blog, and tearful confession posts if any of the rules are broken.

Tim Footman said...

Irrelevance is safest, Dick. Although, like abstract art, someone will always be looking for subversion therein.

The confessions thing sounds good, Billy. Although the comments telling me not to be such a pretentious arse would probably overwhelm it.

Boz said...

Ah. The Cybermen version of blogging. Data entry. Love it. Removing all emotions from my blog now.. you will be upgraded...

patroclus said...

I'm still clinging pathetically to the obsolescent notion of the internet as a lawless frontier where anything goes.

Obviously as far as my own blog is concerned, 'anything goes' is limited to asking for gardening advice and make hilarious jokes about heraldic devices. But hey, my blog, my rules.