I've mentioned before my theory that the definition of a modern intellectual is someone who owns more books than shoes. But there are other methods of identifying this rare and timid creature. My favourites have to be:
"Someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger."
"Someone who can be left alone and unobserved in a room with a tea-cosy and not be tempted to put it on his head."
On either count, I fail dismally. Although I hope I just about make up for it with the shoes thing.