Monday, July 17, 2006

Church of the poisonous mind

The truffles still unsniffed by the finest snouts in the blog forest are: 3, 'Computer Song' by bowler-wearing bedsit maestro Jim Noir; 4, 'I'm Waking Up To Us' by Belle and Sebastian (allegedly about the breakup of Stuart Murdoch and the adorable Isobel Campbell, left); 17, the fi-doesn't-get-much-lo'er 'You're So Great', possibly my favourite Blur song ever; and 20, 'Blue Jay Way' by some Scouse chancers. I'm surprised nobody got 4 or 20; but even more astonished at the ones you did manage to pin down. Enthusiastic yet chaste handshakes, masking wistful yearnings, to one and all. To Molly, the laurels, and try saying that after five pints.

Anyway, in a packed programme tonight: my old mate Nick (who doesn't have a blog, despite the fact I keep nagging him to start one, so you'll have to make do with his IMDb entry or even his Wikipedia entry) has flagged up the existence of the magnificent CAP Reports site.

It's a Christian thing, intended to warn parents about the horrors coming out of that modern Gomorrah, Hollywood; or, as they put it themselves, "A service to His little ones (which includes at-home teens) through you, their parents and grandparents, in His name by His Word". Inevitably, the likes of South Park ("vulgar and vile") and The Exorcist come in for stern reproach. But Satan lurks in the unlikeliest nooks. Godfearing parents are beseeched to watch out for "torture of a character (gingerbread man)" in Shrek, for example. And that's before we get to the "lies, several" in, uh, Pinocchio.

Despite the fact they're deranged bigots, one can only admire these guys' thoroughness. A single example: in their analysis of American Psycho (which scores an unprecedented zero on their "we don't like it, it's horrid" scale), they note not only the head in the fridge, the bodies in the closet, the chainsaw, the cannibalism and so on; but also "inappropriate touching", "abuse of prescription drugs" and, most heinous of all, "two abbreviations of 'Christmas' without 'Christ'". I feel unclean just typing those words.

One final gem. The review of A Midsummer Night's Dream is prefaced by: "...if you enjoy Shakespearean lingo, you'll like this one. All of the script is in Shakespearean."

And, while I've got you... Bob (St Etienne) Stanley on drugs and art in The Times (note to self: re-read Huxley); Viv Stanshall sings Cliff Richard, courtesy of Bob Swipe; and, thanks to Ms B, a quite extraordinary clip of Morrissey and Marr suffering little children at Kew Gardens (also available here if YouTube is playing up).

7 comments:

Billy said...

Bah, I should have got B&S and Blur... they were so familiar. No matter.

Abbrievating Christmas? Whatever next.

patroclus said...

Oh bloody hell, I even have 'Computer Song' in my geeky little playlist of songs about, er, computers. I can't bring myself to like Jim Noir, though, I don't know why. He was all over the Observer Music Monthly supp this weekend, too.

Betty said...

That Smiths on children't tv clip has haunted me for years and now it turns up again. I love the bit where a cringing Morrissey says "oh look, it's Sandie Shaw" (unsaid - "well, she's got children so she might be able to cope with them WITH ANY LUCK")

Molly Bloom said...

Thankyou for my laurels. I shall wear them all day tomorrow. And then rest on them. I should do a 25 song list...but sadly I have no iPod...being a poor little mite who lives in a soup kitchen. Perhaps I should throw random CDs into a pile and just pick out 25.

Well....abbreviating Christmas...that is funny. I think we should all say XMAS every day! Hurrah.

Re Morrissey on kids' TV...what about Iggy Pop and that teddy bear? Now...that was class. Go Iggy. Record numbers of complaints.

First Nations said...

have a basin and a cool rag ready? i can link you to the American version of that site. they too take offense at Shrek, but their rationale is that Shrek is clearly a demon.
one weeps.

tom l said...

Bret Easton Ellis would be disappointed that American Psycho rated only a zero. Wasn't his first book called 'Less Than Zero'?

llewtrah said...

Those CAP people are sick. Xmas, Xmas, Xmas! For Crissake, we're not all Xians. What's wrong with animal names? Do we have to bowdlerise things to rooster and burro because cock and ass have several meanings. Those people are sad, sick and repressed and by inflicting their hang-ups on others they'll do more damage than good.

I dread to think what they'd make of the unexpurgated Romeo and Juliet, sitting open-arse under the medlar tree and the nurse discussing cock's stones.