Eau well

I had the slightly unnerving but entirely enjoyable experience last night of putting some names to faces, as Patroclus (cranberry and soda), Slaminsky (Carlsberg), Wyndham (Scotch and Coke, very early Beatles), Pashmina (can't remember because of the Absolut Citron) and myself (er... Absolut Citron) met to put the worlds to right and bitch about how crap everybody else's blogs are. Apart from the startling discovery that Patroclus is in fact a burly stevedore called Brian, and that Wyndham is a pseudonym for popular and talented TV presenter Davina McCall, there will be no further revelations that might imperil our plan for global domination and the imposition of a consistent style for links.

Except to reveal that no Perrier was consumed, which is a pretty lame connection to the story that Perrier is to stop sponsoring the award ceremony at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. "We felt that it is time for us to explore new opportunities," said the MD of the fizzy water people, which as we all know translates roughly as "Nobody gives a fuck any more so we're cutting our losses." In fact, does anyone drink Perrier any more? Or does it smell too much of large phones and unfeasible shoulderpads?

However, unlike the Booker Prize, which still commemorates its original sponsor after the relationship ended, the awards have been fully renamed to acknowledge the new kids on the block, the considerably less fizzy (but, on the other hand, untainted by associations with Nestle) Intelligent Finance. The awards are to be known as (and I can only just about bring myself to type this) "the if.commedies". Awards director Nica Burns claims that the new name incorporates: "Edinburgh; the name of our new sponsor; the word comedy."

Well, why not call them the Edinburghintelligentfinancecomedy Awards then? It's hardly less crass and unwieldy, is it? Not that it matters, because Ms Burns hopes that the awards will be known as 'the Eddies', the implication being that Eddie is fit to rank alongside Oscar, Tony, Emmy and all the proper awards that people care about.

Now, the important thing about the Oscars is that nobody really knows for sure how they got that nickname. It wasn't a case of spending days cooped up with branding consultants, only to emerge and humbly drop a hint, like Desdemona's snotty Kleenex, that calling them the Oscars might be a nice idea. It just happened. Although, to be fair, if nature were allowed to take its course in this case, we might find the cream of comic talent competing for the Iffies.

P.S. And while we're on the subject of nomenclature gone a bit rubbish, how about a Hall of Fame for musicians that nobody's heard of?