Sunday, April 01, 2012

Simon Cowell and what he’s good at

Simon Cowell gets plenty of hostile coverage, but that’s usually tempered with something along the lines of “Yes, but you must admit he’s terribly good at what he does.” And then there’s that line about how, if you criticise him too harshly, you’re implicitly criticising the millions of people who watch his shows, you elitist bastard.

OK, Simon Cowell is terribly good at what he does. Simon Cowell is terribly good at what he is. And what he is is a pimp. No, not a pimp – he’s a madame, a mama-san. He builds up a stable of willing whores, desperately craving their tiny fix of fame. The whores must possess a modicum of talent but – far more importantly – they must be saleable to the punters, the blank-eyed cruisers who don’t know much about art and don’t know what they like either, until Mama Simon hurls it to them, naked, oiled, bent over and quivering. And then they think, oh yes, we like this, don’t we, and they enjoy it. But the experience leaves them feeling a wee bit empty and, moreover, it’s all over embarrassingly soon. And ultimately, only one person is satisfied.

That’s what Simon Cowell is good at.


Valerie Polichar said...


Yet it's difficult to disagree.

Rog said...

You are Steve Brookstein and I claim my 1 million pounds.

ska13 said...

My comment at a friends home last night was "you can see the pound signs in his eyes" as the young Irish lad started strumming his first few chords, An original singer song writer about to be shared amongst the money grabbers in cowells harem.

Robin Tomens said...


feimineach said...

Can't stand him. Wish he would just feck off. Makes my skin crawl.

Tim F said...

He'd probably agree, Valerie. He just wouldn't care.

I had to Google Mr Brookstein, Rog. That, as they say, is showbiz.

Indeed, ska13. Publishing deal as well. Bingo!

el hombre: [genuflects]

But don't you think he serves a purpose as a repository for our loathing, TH. Someone than whom we can feel justifiably better?