Thursday, February 15, 2007


Seven things I have wanted to be:

• Clown
• Zookeeper (reptiles, probably)
• Art historian
• Protest poet
• Theatre critic of The Guardian
• Pyrotechnician
• Doctor Who

Seven things I have been:

• Barman
• Teacher
• Factory worker (packing trifles for M&S)
• Wordsearch puzzle designer
• Computer technician (how the hell did that happen?)
• Music journalist
• Editor of the Guinness Book of Records

A meme beckons, methinks. Seven dreams and seven realities, job-related if you like, but maybe not. Off you go.


Annie said...

— Wordsearch puzzle designer

I can just imagine what your wordsearches were like.

Rog said...

I thought a pattern was emerging:

1. Most barmen are a bit like clowns.

2. Many teachers would compare their job to a reptile house keeper.

er...that's it.

I'm having problems with my wi-fi dongle Tim.....

patroclus said...

Are you updating your labels as well? It's sending Bloglines and Google Reader haywire. I see you've got a label for 'simulacrum' - nice work!

Billy said...

I shall attempt this soon. It's an excellent meme.

Spinsterella said...

Me too.

I match three of Tim's real life ones, and none of the ambitions.

Billy said...

Does the editor of the Guinness book of records a) get to turn up at record attempts and b) get free Guinness?

Anonymous said...

I saw this and thought of you: "In his absence, bastard descendants gibber and fret."
Cool - it followed a comparison between recent writers on punk to the late Ian Macdonald - with the new boys coming off worse.
Oh - and though I could imagine you having a bit of a gibber and fret - hey it's the new dance craze - I was seeing you as the Macdonald character. Though not dead.
And if that all seems a bit too fawning - if you were gibbering and fretting, you might well be drooling too.
Page 26 of the current Private Eye it was that set me off. Bottom right corner by Snipcock & Tweed.

orange anubis said...

It was the Wordsearches that jumped out at me too, I do hope we're going to start seeing some examples of that mighty puzzle form around here soon.

Valerie said...

Wow. That's a great list. I have a friend who's a pyrotechnician... licensed and all that.

I have wanted to be:
* published novelist
* professional songwriter
* professional publisher
* psychological counselor
* alternative healthcare provider
* professional musician
* devastatingly beautiful

I have been:
* technical writer/computer programmer
* contributing editor/layout person on a real-estate humor magazine
* literary magazine editor/publisher
* technology administrator
* grand party-thrower
* published poet and short-story writer
* approachable

Really I suspect the reality is better.

YTSL said...

Hi Tim --

Editor of the Guinness Book of Records sounds very cool indeed!

As for the "Off you go" bit: Maybe I will take your "challenge" and reveal my own seven dreams and seven realities before too long on my own blog... ;)

patroclus said...

Valerie: Real-estate humour magazine? Tell more!

When we were about nine or ten, my friend and I reckoned that if we consistently told enough people we were Dr Who's assistants (Leela and Romana), we would eventually become Dr Who's assistants. Sadly this never actually happened.

Tim F said...

Annie R & Anubis: Yeah, as soon as I'd posted this, I felt the urge to compile a new one. Maybe I'll put some up. Sudoku? Pah!

Murph: When I did it, we didn't have Wifi. Only just had an intranet. But God, the stories I could tell you about Dongles.

Patroclus: Sorry, didn't think my retrospective labelling would be disruptive as well as revisionist. I feel like Trotsky.

Spin: You never wanted to be an art historian? I thought everyone did.

Billy: a) yes, but not as many as I'd have liked; b) yes, but not as much as I'd have liked.

Paul: I do pay tribute to MacDonald in the Rhead book. His shadow looms over everyone who toils in the fields of rock hackery.

Valerie: I'm with Patroclus. Real-estate humor????

YTSL: It was a hugely cool job. Like presenting Blue Peter, or being a swordswallower. Everyone was impressed at parties. It was also the only job from which i was made redundant. :-(

Patroclus, again: But which Romana? Sleepy-eyed glamourbabe or earnest schoolgirl (and Mrs Dawkins)? If it was alongside Leela, I'd guess the former.

Spinsterella said...

Real-estate humor everyone else I am agog.

FirstNations said...

done did this meme at spins place-check
done did your request after being hit over the head repeatedly with a cat by Ingres at 3:am-check.

apparently i am your beeyotch and have no will of my own any longer.

patroclus said...

Incidentally Tim, are you getting my emails? I'm not demanding a reply; just wanted to check they weren't being filtered out by whichever government is in this week in Thailand.

Valerie said...

Ah, it's a long and ugly story, but I've posted it at
if you are really interested.

Ooh, swordswallower! I want to add that to my list!

Well, maybe not.

Tim F said...

Patroclus - sent you my overdue reply yesterday. Will resend. There are censorship issues but I wasn't aware I'd been targeted. More likely tech failure.