Monday, September 04, 2006

Paid for my silence

I've been thinking about this whole plug-products-on-blogs deal, discussed with such eloquence and profundity by the mighty Patroclus. Reduced to a syrupy consistency, the deal is this: consumers have become wise to ads; they're not consuming old media enough; advertisers now need to rebuild trust through new media; bloggers have the audiences and the trust; let's get a blogger to say how great our stuff is; oops, blogger has now betrayed trust of readership; blogger and advertiser both screwed; death of both global consumer capitalism (yay!) and, er, blogosphere.

I'm not actually sure why this should be. Does anyone really think that celebrities in ads actually consume the product? It's common knowledge that Rutger Hauer couldn't stand Guinness; and have you ever seen Sharon Osbourne rooting through the reduced-to-go ready-meals in Asda? So why should consumers of my blog hold me to higher standards than those demanded by people who watch The Hitcher; or people who like watching a revolting, talentless, middle-aged woman shouting?

Well, if my loyal readers really think I'm utterly pure and sincere in word and deed, then so be it. But there is something I can offer. Most advertising codes of practice have stringent rules about "knocking copy" - essentially, the extent to which an advertiser can slag off the opposition. Otherwise, those witty, groundbreaking, surreal Guinness ads could use the tag "All Beamish drinkers have tiny willies", and then where would we be?

But such rules, for the time being at least, do not apply to blogs. So here's the deal. I will not "big up" your product to help you get "down wiv ver kidz" who hang out on my virtual street. Readers will immediately be suspicious if I break into one of my customary tirades about Radiohead and Baudrillard to discuss the merits of a new brand of feminine hygiene product. However, on payment of a small consideration, I will be happy to drop in a casual sideswipe about the complete bollocksness of your leading competitor, while maintaining a dignified silence about your own stuff, however vile it may be.

For example: "Have you tried that new Coke Zero? Crikey, it's a bit rubbish, isn't it?"

C'mon, Pepsi, surely that's worth, say, ten quid? See, I'm considerably cheaper than Sharon Osbourne.

And there aren't many people who can say that.

16 comments:

Pisces Iscariot said...

The product in your picture above is called 'Bam' in New Zealand - go figure. In Glasgow it means something completely different ya bam.

Molly Bloom said...

I have a Cillit Bang pen it's so good. I hold it very close to people when I'm signing a cheque.

Surely that's worth another tenner. Or fifty whole new pence.

Although, I have to say..I have gone out and brought products based on what people have suggested on their blogs:

1. CDs after reading music blogs.
2. Books people have mentioned.
3. Certain 'personal' creams that Bobster mentioned.
4. A magazine that Kek had an article in...but that was free..but very good.

Yes, we are influential. But, I'm not going to be buying any more shoes. Just in case it damages my reputation...

Geoff said...

You're no Michael Jackson, Tim.

Remember his song, Coca Cola Rots Your Molars?

realdoc said...

I for one would be very interested in your opinions on feminine hygiene products.

Billy said...

If I ever met the twunt off the Coke Zero ad or shouting "Barry Scott" I would have no hestitation in punching them both in the face.

Hard.

Before running away.

orange anubis said...

I've yet to see any return since shamelessly endorsing Diet Coke with Lime on my blog a few weeks ago. I'm sad to say you could be on a hiding to nothing here.

Robert A. Swipe said...

Timster.

I'd like to hear more about the feminine hygiene prodacts and less of the Radiohead/BaldDrillHard if that's OK with you....

Do we get to vote?

Tim Footman said...

But you see, Bob, if I talk about the FHPs, I'll probably wonder what subtexts Roland Barthes would have found in the blue liquid they pour on sanitary towels.

But I'm quite prepared to announce that Tampax are bad for your teeth, and accept a modest backhander from Kotex.

First Nations said...

that means anton levey is in to me to the tune of several thousand dollars by now.

theres a thought...we should just go ahead and bill the competitors for our services on their behalf.

tom l said...

even more subtle, i believe you might get paid by merely having links to the items you mention, without having to endorse or put down the competitor. "things go better with coke " might get you a penny a click.

first nations - i'd love to see a copy of your invoice!

Betty said...

I make a habit of slagging everything off so I doubt I'll be getting much sponsorship money.

However, I sometimes put up links to other blogs in my post, so perhaps there could be some revenue from that? Forty quid from the blogger mentioned, perhaps?

Helga von porno said...

You want it, don't you, you dirty little tart.
Don't blame you, I would, not for ten pounds though. Maybe £250 a week

Spinsterella said...

Hmmm.

I don't like it.

I don't buy anything. So I guess I'll be first against the wall when the Brave New Blogvertorial World takes over.

Well, it was fun while it lasted...

Robert A. Swipe said...

Spinny - what's happened to your blog?

I don't want to start a sort of celibate, female Rudi Valentino thing here but.....you haven't *done a Brian*, have you??

Let's hope it's juts blogger being a twat again.

The Curve said...

I actually use BANG to clean my kitchen.

Spinsterella said...

I'm still here, Bob.

So's the blog, as far as I can see. I did go up London for a couple of days, even venturing down as far as Richmond...