Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I love the sound of breaking china

Apologies for the incoherence of this post, and the fact that it’s cobbled together from thoughts I’ve expressed on various other media over the past 24 hours. It’s just that I’m rather surprised at the visceral rage provoked within me by the news that Prince William and Kate Middleton are now engaged. No, scrub that. I’m not angry that they’re engaged. I hope they have a pleasant wedding and enjoy their life together; they’ve never, so far as I know, done anything bad to me or mine. And if people want to have a day off and wave a few flags because two people they don’t know are getting hitched, well, it’s no dafter an excuse than the FA Cup final or Eurovision.

No, what’s really been pumping up my blood pressure has been the media coverage of the announcement, from the mid-market tabs’ attempting to shoehorn St Diana into everything, via the Waikato Times’s interview with someone who happens to be called K Middleton to  Lady Antonia Fraser’s remark on Radio 4’s Today programme that Ms Middleton (Marlborough, St Andrews, offspring of millionaires) is “not privileged”. If, as the conspiracy nuts might suggest, the whole thing is a ploy to distract us from the utter shitbucket into which the world economy is falling, it’s a dismal failure. If we’re seriously looking at SIX MORE MONTHS of this twee banality, this crazed desperation to pump every spare crevice of our consciousness with vacuous, inane, royal-scented non-news, then for every fire extinguisher chucked off Millbank Tower there’ll be a newspaper editor and a couple of TV executives following it down to the pavement.

An awkward young man once said: “I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused.” Sorry, but I’m still at disgusted.



PS: Love and Garbage says much the same, albeit with less screaming.

13 comments:

An Unreliable Witness said...

Thank you for managing to see through the same apoplectic rage that has blinded me and write this instead. It needed to be said.

The Dotterel said...

Sorry Tim, but she even gained a (brief) mention on my blog yesterday. Mind you, only because she bared her bottom: http://www.bringingupcharlie.co.uk/2010/11/day-in-life.html

The lengths these would-be royals go to...

Vicus Scurra said...

I think I detect the stamping of feet and whining of a young man who hasn't been invited to the ceremony. You would be much better directing your energy towards organising a street party, or a whip round for a suitable wedding gift. (I doubt whether I will be able to find you a spare ticket, at this late stage - you should have asked earlier). Now, cheer up, and get that union jack waistcoat dry cleaned in good time; sooner or later you will be interviewed by one or other of the TV channels, even if it means they have spoken to every other bugger first.

GreatSheElephant said...

I always knew I was a conspiracy nut.

Bread and circuses.

Richard said...

I share your bemusement at the unprivileged tags. However, her father's in trade and therefore below the salt, which is probably what Mrs Pinter was on about.

My main concern is that every time I switch on the BBC now I'm greeted by that utter tit Nicholas Witchell standing in front of the palace gates and thus it will be for the foreseeable. On the one o'clock news today he even said "we don't know anything yet" but continued to cack on for another two minutes, even after I'd told the ginger arse to shut the fuck up.

Betty said...

Only six months? I don't share your optimism. It'll be spun out for at least a year, by which point she'll be knocked up. Let's keep our fingers crossed for the apocalypse, eh?

Annie said...

What do you mean 'we'? You're in Thailand! Just think how much worse it is here!

(BTW - how can they only just be engaged? They've been going out for a 100 years at least, haven't they?)

Donn Escapeons said...

Indeed. As Kanye would say, I'm really happy for you Wills and Imma let you finish, but your brother Harry and the Hewitts had one of the best sneaky plans to grab the Throne of all time!

It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings. Until Kate pups an heir Harry is still in the running.

M.A.Peel said...

I heard the news on the radio in the morning, only half listening. It said something about "the heir apparent" and I thought it was about PW. 'Til I realized they meant Charles who was making the announcement.

Oh yeah. Charles. Is that man ever going to be King?

The militant working boy said...

If only Monty Python were around to see this.

Billy said...

I'm enjoying the rage. I seem reasonable by comparison.

Tim Footman said...

Seems to have calmed down a bit now. Sort of phoney war.

Annie: although I’m physically away from the epicentre, I do maintain a psychic link in the form of Radio 4. And when Radio 4 starts relaying to me the fact that the Daily Mail is reporting – as part of a NEWS bulletin – that the wedding's definitely going to be in St Paul's because Ms Middlebrow was spotted there on Wednesday afternoon, I go to la-la-la-I-can’t-hear-you land. At least the news didn’t break in August, when there really is bugger-all else going on.

blackwatertown said...

What can I say? I immediately instigated street party plans.
On the one hand, stick 'em up against the wall, up the republic, etc, etc.
On the other - yo - street party.
Though come to think of it - the two approaches are far from incompatible.
Hope they choose a date when it's not too chilly.