Wednesday, May 16, 2007

The white stuff


Thai people often have trouble with certain English consonants. When they attempt to say "dry ice", for example, it comes out as "die eye". This is more of an issue than you might imagine, as dry ice is a rather useful commodity in this climate. Most significantly, when you purchase a tub of ice cream, the only way you can get it home in a vaguely edible state is to have it packed in solid carbon dioxide.

Even better, the main distributor of the stuff in the Kingdom is a company called Thai Dry Ice, which inevitably comes out as "tie die eye". The only question is whether it's possible to produce dry ice in a colour scheme other than boring old white, perhaps adding a vaguely hippyish theme, and creating "tie-dye tie die eye". If someone from Newcastle were to be put in charge of the process, and an Italian were to ask him what he did for a living, he could reply "Why-aye, eye-tie, I tie-dye tie die eye". The possibilities are, if not endless, more endful than I ever thought during my quixotic attempts to pass O-level chemistry.

(Dry ice achieved its greatest cultural impact in the 1960s and early 1970s, when it became a staple special effect in Hammer horror movies, enhancing spooky laboratories and misty graveyards alike. This, of course, is the sole reason I've put up a picture of Madeline Smith.)

PS: Jerry Falwell gets the send-off he deserves at Comment is Free.

13 comments:

Fat Roland said...

*head essplodes*

tom said...

with Falwell gone, I suppose the 'stupidest man alive' title is now indisputably Pat Robertson's alone!

Falwell now claims the 'stupidest man no longer alive' crown.

Tim Footman said...

Was that a droll Cronenberg reference there Roland? Or did your head really blow up.

Robertson is many things, Tom - sadly, stupid isn't one of them. If he were stupid he'd be much less dangerous.

Murph said...

Come on Tim! (Sorry, thought I was at Wimbledon for a second). You'll be turning into "why you no rissen?!" Benny Hill in a minute!


I think it was the late Claude Cockburn of Private Eye who announced Franco's death with "his condition was described as satisfactory".

Flirty Something said...

Great rack or should I say lack on the lady.

Billy said...

Tinky-Winky has his revenge.

Tim Footman said...

Velly solly, Murph.

Indeed. Shown to great effect in The Vampire Lovers. Entirely artistically justified, I hasten to add.

Bizarrely, Billy, that was almost exactly the title I chose for the post, but CiF chose to amend it. Have you seen this?

Anonymous said...

Re: Falwell - How do we know Tinky-Winky was a bloke? What were the other genders? How many teletubby genders are there? Dipsy was such a cool dancer. Or, maybe Dipsy is. Is Dipsy dead or alive?
Darn, so many questions, so little...

Objective reality? To see ourselves as others see us? Have often wondered if all this is that bit where your whole life flashes before your eyes before you die. Falwell leaves a hateful legacy, but provided a highly defined, visible and 'necessary' counterpoint to Be Excellent to One Another - to remind us to be mindful of those who eat away at the edges of our diginity.


WTTM arrived today - Page 1 "probably lying"? Bought Pablo Honey Dec93 never having heard of Creep, but very taken with Anyone Can Play Guitar on a free NME cassette (along with Showgirl by The Auteurs and something by the Lemonheads) - not exactly the same point, but am very much looking forward to reading this.

misty unsworth

wyndham said...

I hear that Ingrid Pitt on the radio the other day - she sounded quite mad. And about 124.

Tim Footman said...

OK, Misty, I'll amend it in the second edition. Thanks for buying it, and let me know what you think.

Well of course she's mad, Wyndham. She's a flippin' lesbian vampire. You'd be mad if that happened to you.

Anonymous said...

Yeh, sorry. I (really!) don't get out much.

Loved the book, interesting, informative, well researched, funny and entertaining.

Wyndham said...

Tim, I think I would be ecstatic if I had the opportunity to become a lesbian vampire.

What's not to like?

Tim Footman said...

Thank you, Misty. I'm most proud that some people found it funny. Seasoned Radiohead hands thought it couldn't be done.

They always come to a bad end, Wyndham. Didn't Ingrid shrivel to dust? (After feasting on Madeline's dumplings first, of course.)