I snore very loudly and unpleasantly. Of course, without going to the effort of recording my own sleep patterns, I have to take other people's word for this, but those words are unanimous and pretty damning. I could plead in mitigation a long history of respiratory dysfunctions, including pneumonia, bronchitis, asthma, sinusitis, hay fever and a strange-shaped nose; but the fact remains that I when I'm asleep I sound like a pig on the verge of tears. The only other thing I can say in my defence is that my father sounds even worse. In my flagwaving youth, I once joined a sit-down occupation of the office of my university vice-chancellor. This extended into an overnight stay, and apparently the assorted Trots, anarchists, union hacks and assorted opportunists took turns in rolling me over onto my front to stop the guttural racket.
Small Boo, being lovely and dainty and ladylike, does not make such a horrible noise. But I hope she doesn't mind me announcing in a public arena that she does occasionally snore. It's a much quieter, gentler, altogether more pleasant sound than that made by her consort, but it's not without its drawbacks. It's rather like the noise made by a mobile phone set to 'vibrate', when you leave it on a glass-top table. Only last night I got up at about three in the morning wondering who the hell could be calling.
So, your turn. How do you or your loved ones snore?
